life. and everything in between

Elias Cash Ponczoch Born on April 2nd 2019 @ 12:54pm via planned caesarean 9lbs 8oz 21.5 inches long We thought he was perfect. He was big like his sis. He was squishy. He was here. I had plenty of anxiety going into this birth. Addison's birth was less than ideal. I was terrified for me. For my health. Not my boy. The thought of him being born anything less than healthy never occurred to me. We already experienced that. We were told by a handful of doctors and nurses that this would be a perfect baby. You can imagine the shock when 2 hours later he was being care-flighted from Kootenai Hospital NICU to Sacred Heart's NICU. He was born breathless. Breathless. I have spent the last 11 months surviving. Trying to be happy because my boy is alive. and HEALTHY. But as time passes this gnawing in my soul won't let me forget what we went through. It creeps in at the most inopportune times. Such as buying groceries, watching a show, or driving passed the hospital he was...

Few things you need  to know about me. 1. I LOVE to clean. It truly is therapy to me. If I am not careful it can become obsessive. Especially if I am in a patricianly stressful time of life. Having a clean house makes me feel safe and secure. 2. I really appreciate time to myself. Being alone to read, work out, talk on the phone, pay bills, etc is like a vacation to me. 3. I love initial time with my friends and family. Because I tend to be more introvert the time I spend with my people is precious to me. Accomplishing any of the top three is nearly impossible since having kids. That has been such a small  HUGE learning curve. Learning to let go of the things that can wait. Learning that my house doesn't need to be clean all the time. Learning that the bills can be paid at nap time. Learning that planning ahead is the best way to hang out with my people. We are now in quarantine (at least thats what Levi and I keep calling it). It has been stressful for me because I ...

Have grace. I know many people have been saying this. I just wanted to send out some thoughts I have been having. I was out grocery shopping on Friday. I lost it. I have never seen anything like it before in my life. Levi and I often shop at Cash n Carry because we don't have a Costco membership. I have never seen more than 10 cars in the parking lot. On Friday it was packed. No parking. Anywhere. Same at Winco. Walmart. SuperOne. Like any normal almost 30 year old, I called my mom. I said "Mom people are losing their minds. They are crazy." Let's be real....I said more than that but it's truly not worth repeating. Now what my mom said is worth repeating. "Em, people aren't crazy. They are scared and confused. Just breath. It's going to be okay." First of all there are only like 3 (maybe 4) people who can tell me to just breath without me going ballistic on them. Second, what a wise woman. Seriously, thank mom. Well at the stores I ha...