Our Sweet Little Addi

I am 19 weeks today. Woah. That just seems insane. October 19th is when we officially found out that we were expecting a baby. My heart knew I was pregnant long before that, though. I can't tell you what led me to believe this. I just felt different. I felt God told me I was pregnant. Not in an audible voice but just the knowledge that I was pregnant. Even after I took an early detection pregnancy test that turned up negative, I know that was wrong. I had no doubts. After confirming my pregnancy, Levi and I were ecstatic. He went into work late so that we could go to breakfast together. We cried (okay, I cried) and laughed. Just living in this moment that our lives had drastically changed for the better.

(Baby at 8 weeks)

It seemed like a long three weeks before we could go to the doctors (I was technically 5 weeks when we found out). The anticipation was unbearable. But we survived and November 7th finally came. Seeing the baby in the ultra sound was cool but at the point it was so small it was kind of like "Okay, what are we looking at." I felt like Rachel from Friends "I don't see it!" ha ha. The heart beat was a different story. As soon as we heard that heart beat tears weld up in my eyes. I had planned on being funny and saying "Holy S#!* there's a baby in there." (Baby Mama reference) but I was so in awe that I couldn't even say anything. We love our doctor btw. He has a great sense of humor and is fun to be around! December 5th came and I had my 12 week appointment. I went by myself and again got to hear the heart beat. The next big appointment was the gender but I was already positive on what we were having.

(Right around 12 weeks. Awesome shirt one of my best friends, Katy, bought) 

You see, I had that same "feeling" I had when I knew I was pregnant before I should have known. I knew without a doubt that it was a girl. I was so confident that I would have not even needed the doctor to tell me. But for Levi's sake we had them tell us. There was a point while at the appointment we both thought it was a boy. But we have no idea what we are looking at on the ultra sound. Haha! So we found out on January 18th that we were having a girl! Addison Grace Ponczoch.

I have struggled with this fear that everything good in my life will be taken from me. Maybe that's an emotion that comes with grief or with being pregnant, I don't know. But for the first part of the pregnancy I could not get excited about this baby. I was excited when we first found out but my mind would not let me get too attached because what if I don't get to keep it. What if something bad happens. I had been praying that God would take away my fear and give me peace. I am a big believer in Attachment Theory and I knew that I needed and wanted to feel attached to my baby I just didn't know how. On December 10th, I presented research at a psychology conference and afterwards I was exhausted. I went home and literally slept for 2 hours. When I woke up I was just laying in our bed, in the quiet and darkness, and I felt a flutter. I felt something move on the right side of my stomach! Then I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. Most women don't get to feel their babies move around 13 weeks but I did. I haven't felt it since but the peace hasn't left me. It was a message and reassurance from God that everything was going to be okay. I have held on to that peace and haven't felt fearful since. God is a good good Father.

We told our parents around 8 weeks and they were so extremely excited. I am pretty sure they were convinced we were never having kids. Haha! We then told our siblings around 12 weeks (Thanksgiving). Here are the fun ways we told them

*Ponczoch Grandparents- put the ultra sound in the Baby Mama case and told them we had a movie we wanted to watch. They were pretty shocked and question if that was our baby!
*Hillman Grandparents- Addison is actually due on my mom's birthday so we asked her what they were doing and said if they weren't busy we'd like them to come over for a special event. Then proceed to hand them the ultra sound. Mom cried. It was awesome
*Ponczoch Siblings-Made them awesome mugs and gave them as gift at breakfast. Joy almost tackled me ;)

 

*Hillman Siblings-brought over doughnuts with this taped to the top. Our grandparents use to bring over doughnuts almost every Saturday morning. We would eat doughnuts with them and watch cartoons. So I felt this was fitting. It was a sweet moment for us. We have loved watching each other become parents and it was just another moment where one of us joined the club. 

Levi and I have experienced a new level of bonding and love for each other as we journey through

this pregnancy. We have done many things in our marriage and been on many adventures. This is yet another adventure that will change our lives. I feel grateful that we have been able to live out our marriage on our terms. Being married right out of high school can lead to many challenges but we have grown so much since then. We are ready to start this new adventure together! Addison Grace, you are already so deeply loved by your Papa and Mom. Can't wait to meet you baby girl!

I had really wanted to be good at journaling through this but so far I have failed. But There is still time to start! Wish me luck and I will keep you posted on the outcome.


P.S. We already made our first big baby purchase! A BOB stroller. We knew we wanted one and we knew we didn't want to pay full price. We started looking for them second hand and found one in good condition that we love. That was another surreal moment of "Holy crap, we just bought a stroller for our baby!"