It is very sad that I haven't written anything since August. So much has been going on. But I am finding a rhythm to life. I hope to write more often but this one is going to be dedicated to the crazy that is my first born.
Addison Grace.
Can you say spit fire? This girl has an opinion and wants the world to know it. She knows what she wants and how she wants it. How can you argue? Really, someone give me your secrets so I can feel like my child doesn't control my life ;)
Addison is so very independent. For example...when preparing a meal for Addison one must know a few things.
Helping mama is one of her favorite past time. She follows me around the house and helps me hang diaper laundry, switch laundry, or make the bed. It's very sweet. The other day she took the empty wet bag that we use for her cloth diapers and I told her to take it to her room. She waddled off and came back empty handed. I thought that she dropped it along the way and moved on. Boy was I wrong. Not only did she take it to her room, she hung it on the hook it goes on. I had such a proud mama moment I almost cried.
She truly is one of the best things that has been given to me. Yes, there are more tantrums, fits, fights, battles, and rough moments than I'd like. Some days are so very exhausting and I wonder if I am doing anything right. Have a damaged my child beyond repair. But I have my friends and family who bring me back to reality. And the reminder that God loves her so much more than I could ever love her. That whatever I mess up, he will fix. He will heal any wounds that I may unintentionally cause.
We go into see her specialist this week. That always causes me anxiety. It's just a routine check up but it's around this time of year that my thoughts go to places I try to hid from. She was sick at the end of December and my mind was racing. I was worried that it was all a sign that things weren't well. That her liver was no longer functioning as it should and that her shunt was closing. Because of her liver disease she does have a comprised immune system so I started thinking that I should have done better. I should have kept her away from the sickness out there. That I somehow missed a sign that things weren't going well. That I am her protector and I failed. Then I started thinking of her upcoming appointment. My thoughts included
'What if this is the calm before the storm'
'what could I have done to see this coming. What sign did I miss'
'Will we be living out of suitcases and living off hospital food'
'is she in pain'
'will I know if she is'
These thoughts, though irrational are real for me. They are deeply rooted in fear. Fear, as many of you know, is a liar. I have people in my life who reminded me of so many truths. Who spoke those truths out of love and compassion. Who love me and Addison in my fearful moments. They say it takes a village to raise a child...I think it takes a village to raise a parent.
So village, if you think of this mama at all this week please pray for peace. We are truly in the best hands and if something is wrong we couldn't be taken care of any better. Both by doctors and our people.
Addison Grace.
Can you say spit fire? This girl has an opinion and wants the world to know it. She knows what she wants and how she wants it. How can you argue? Really, someone give me your secrets so I can feel like my child doesn't control my life ;)
Addison is so very independent. For example...when preparing a meal for Addison one must know a few things.
- She MUST pick out the dish she will eat off of. Even though she will bring you several different ones DO NOT try to pick out anything other than what she brought you
- She MUST see you prepare the food
- She MUST carry her own plate to the table
- She MUST pick out her own seat.
Does this sometimes make meals a very long process....yes. But it really does no harm to us. We aren't going to crush that spirit in her. Sure, when she is older she will have to learn that sometimes you don't get to sit where you want but come on, she's a year and half.
It's really devastating when all the mac n cheese is gone.
Oh, one night she insisted on eating her dinner on the floor...so.
I wasn't making dinner fast enough so she had time to bring me three different dinner plates/bowls
She HATES having her hair in a ponytail. Like legit refuses to leave it in. I know she does it just because she knows I want it in. Lord help me.
But she does love an occasional snuggle and that makes us so very happy.
She is slowly starting to say more words. It's fun to watch your kid grow and learn about THEM. Not compare them to other kids around but know where they are at developmentally and be completely okay with them living their own journey. As I said in a previous post about Addi (yes, it was over 7 months ago, whoops) she is our observer. She watches and judges situations around her. She "talks" if she feels safe and certain of the people around her. If she doesn't she is content to be silent and watch. She loves to add her input when Levi and I are in a conversation. She will throw her hands up and just start chatting away. I think my favorite thing she says is "no no tutter (Tucker) no no." He is usually laying on her blanket or simply sleeping and she disapproves of that.
She loves her routine and the way our house functions. I am nervous about Elias Cash coming into the picture. I know she will adjust but it may be a tough adjustment for her. Good news is she loves babies. She loves her baby doll and cousin Stella. She makes sure they always have their blankets, pacis, and are being rocked or held. Lord help us all if she sees that the doll or Stella are left unattended.
Helping mama is one of her favorite past time. She follows me around the house and helps me hang diaper laundry, switch laundry, or make the bed. It's very sweet. The other day she took the empty wet bag that we use for her cloth diapers and I told her to take it to her room. She waddled off and came back empty handed. I thought that she dropped it along the way and moved on. Boy was I wrong. Not only did she take it to her room, she hung it on the hook it goes on. I had such a proud mama moment I almost cried.
Helping mama is one of her favorite past time. She follows me around the house and helps me hang diaper laundry, switch laundry, or make the bed. It's very sweet. The other day she took the empty wet bag that we use for her cloth diapers and I told her to take it to her room. She waddled off and came back empty handed. I thought that she dropped it along the way and moved on. Boy was I wrong. Not only did she take it to her room, she hung it on the hook it goes on. I had such a proud mama moment I almost cried.
She loves putting on hats. She keep the ones on that I put on her head but if she can take it from someone else she is all about it. She also loves books. So, if you would like to become BFFs with Addison Grace just read her some books.
She truly is one of the best things that has been given to me. Yes, there are more tantrums, fits, fights, battles, and rough moments than I'd like. Some days are so very exhausting and I wonder if I am doing anything right. Have a damaged my child beyond repair. But I have my friends and family who bring me back to reality. And the reminder that God loves her so much more than I could ever love her. That whatever I mess up, he will fix. He will heal any wounds that I may unintentionally cause.
We go into see her specialist this week. That always causes me anxiety. It's just a routine check up but it's around this time of year that my thoughts go to places I try to hid from. She was sick at the end of December and my mind was racing. I was worried that it was all a sign that things weren't well. That her liver was no longer functioning as it should and that her shunt was closing. Because of her liver disease she does have a comprised immune system so I started thinking that I should have done better. I should have kept her away from the sickness out there. That I somehow missed a sign that things weren't going well. That I am her protector and I failed. Then I started thinking of her upcoming appointment. My thoughts included
'What if this is the calm before the storm'
'what could I have done to see this coming. What sign did I miss'
'Will we be living out of suitcases and living off hospital food'
'is she in pain'
'will I know if she is'
These thoughts, though irrational are real for me. They are deeply rooted in fear. Fear, as many of you know, is a liar. I have people in my life who reminded me of so many truths. Who spoke those truths out of love and compassion. Who love me and Addison in my fearful moments. They say it takes a village to raise a child...I think it takes a village to raise a parent.
So village, if you think of this mama at all this week please pray for peace. We are truly in the best hands and if something is wrong we couldn't be taken care of any better. Both by doctors and our people.
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