life. and everything in between

WOWZA! Levi and I have officially lived here for 3 years! It really has been one of the craziest rides I have ever been on. Since moving here we have had our darkest moments and our happiest. We have walked through situations that we could have never imagined traveling through. I wanted to share some thoughts that I had this morning after I realized it was August 12. 1) True friendship knows no miles There is a fear in moving that you will lose touch with your friends. Or to be honest (or as our middle schoolers say TBH) that you will be forgotten (what can I say? Sometimes I am self-centered). We have not found that to be the case. Yes, the frequencies of phone calls and video chats have lessened but that doesn't mean that we aren't friends. That we don't care about each other. It means life gets busy. They continue their lives there and we continue our lives here. New friendships happen on both sides and being present where you are is just as important as keeping ...

Conversation between my husband Levi and myself via texts He thinks he's funny. But I think I am funny so we balance each other out! But really I have been considering for awhile to make some homemade cleaning products. We already cloth diaper and one of my reasons is I believe in doing my part to help our environment. I personally felt convicted about how much waste we produce and wanted to do something in my own life to change it. I understand that I am just one person and I will not change things by myself but I am doing my part. Nor do I look down on anyone who uses disposables. I am making my own choices due to convictions in my own heart. On top of the cloth diapers we use cloth wipes while at home. It is pretty basic, just a wipe that we wet with a witch hazel, castille soap, and water combination from a perry bottle. Super simple! We use disposable wipes when we are out! I did some research (really I looked things up on Pinterest) on how to make homemade cleaning pr...

Last night I got lost. Legitimately lost. I absolutely hate being lost. Both physically and spiritually. It's that feeling of no control. As a recovering control freak it is something I am working through. I was at a friends bridal shower in North Spokane. The route I was use to was closed and I had directions written down because my phone was dying. Well at some point I missed a turn. So I turned on my GPS and I didn't realize that it was taking me to the road that was closed. So I ended up lost on some back roads in the dark. I was dependent on my GPS. I literally did not know where to go or what direction to go. Then the inevitable happened...my phone died. To say I freaked out would not even come close to how I was feeling. In the midst of my panic attack I heard a truth in my head.  "Emily, you are were so dependent on your GPS to guide your way home. You know that you couldn't do it on your own. Why do you act like you know what direction your life should go? ...

It has been a year since Addison Grace was born. What a year it has been! The highs, the lows, I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. Addison really is the light of our life. The most awful days quickly turn into the best. Her smile changes my mood very quickly. When I think about the journey we have been on I can't help but be grateful for the gift we were given in Addison. Her Personality Talk about a spunky and determined child. Addison is much like her father. Doesn't take to people right away and would prefer to sit back and take in her surroundings. Ha Ha. Just kidding she is just like me in that regard. If put in a new environment Addison tends to just sit in one spot and watch. She watches the people, the animals, and the interactions. She has done this for a long time. I remember when she was about 3/4 months old and she would just watch us eat. She would watch how me put food in our mouth and how we chewed. When it was time for her to eat "real...

Tonight my heart is heavy. Crushed. Grieved. Angry. Our community lost a 7th grade girl several days ago to suicide. 7th grade. Suicide. Hard to read? Hard to imagine? Yeah, me too. I did not know Isis Paulsen. But we just sat with some students who did. Students who don't have words for what is going on around them. Students who want answers. Students who are dealing with things that I as an almost 28 year old adult don't even know how to deal with. All you want to do is take that pain away from them. From Isis. Hug them so tight that it squeezes all the darkness out. But we can't. We can be there for them. We can listen to them. We don't have to fix this. We just have to be present. Listen. Let me tell you a few things I learned tonight about middle school students 1. They are ready to make things different for the future. They are already thinking about how to not let this happen to future generations. One student asked "How do we make sure this doesn...

Because I need a laugh and maybe you do as well. Here is a list of things that I have said both to Addison and our dog, Tucker. Feel free to add things that you have said to both your child(ren) and dog! 1. Don't eat that 2. Drop it 3. Stay out of the toilet 4. Sit 5. Stay 7. Whats in your mouth? (Followed closely by) 6. Open your mouth 7. Did you poop? 8. Stop licking the furniture 9. Stop licking me 10.  I love you! I am sure this has been done before but I needed something to laugh at!

Grief is violating. Words I never thought I would think. Or speak. Or type. I was just finishing up a spin/cycle class. Something I just recently started doing and really enjoy. We hit the cool down and I was feeling goooood. I am a cardio junkie so anytime my heart rate goes up for an extended period of time I feel like I could conquer the world. That nothing was going to stop me. Until that song started playing. That song that stopped me in my pedals. That song that reminded me of the deep grief that I am walking through. The song that reminded me that my brother, Rory, is gone. That I will not see him this side of Heaven. I lost it. I mean I was almost sobbing in a room of full of 18 people. I got off my bike and walked away. I know I shouldn't have felt embarrassed but I did. I gathered my composure and called Levi. At this point I felt so angry. Angry that Rory's death has robbed me of many things. Things that I never even considered. That is when I called Levi and spo...

Since Addison's birth it has been a roller coaster ride for us in regards to her health. But I knew that we had a fighter on our hands. While I was in labor the doctors were surprise that her heart rate never dropped in the long labor. They were even more surprised that her heart rate didn't drop or increase after they saw the bruising that she had due to the long labor. In late August Addison was diagnosed with congenital atresia of the intrahepatic portal venous system with portal hypertension . If you are like me you probably would have just stared at the doctor like he was crazy   insane   mental   unbalanced  kooky!  Basically it means that she is missing veins in her liver (I included a link at the bottom if you are interested in learning more about it).  Her body created  (God created) a natural shunt for the blood to flow in and out of. Many children with this disease have to have a shunt put in but not Addison. Because her liver isn't worki...

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 Here   I am, in what I have titled as my season of stillness.   I was accepted into Eastern Washington's Mental Health Counseling program late 2016 or early 2017, I can't remember. Through that whole process I felt that something was off. That I shouldn't be going down this road. But it was apart of MY PLAN. For heaven's sake, I said, I was going to do this and so I would do it. You see I have a problem when things in my plan change. It got to the point that I could not ignore this feeling any longer. I was sitting in a lecture that I had began to mentally blow off because I already had a plan and this guess speaker had nothing to offer me. Boy, I have never been so wrong. He was discussing a Master's degree in Social Work vs Mental Health. The jobs that I could get in Social work sounded more like what I wanted to do! PLUS, Boise State has a program that has a satellite campus that is literally 10 ...